That’s been my experience. I say this because you can use the knowledge that three is a magical number to get what you want or need. If this sounds confusing or too mystical, and doesn’t sound connected to job-seeking, don’t worry about it, just read on.

I bring this up because the other day I was explaining to a client that, if they had an idea and wanted to propose it to their management, more often than not the first time it will not be accepted. “If you fold your cards and go away, it obviously won’t happen,” I told this client, and we both agreed about that. So what do you do? You propose it a second time, in a modified format. And, of course, your management may reject it again. Do you give up then? No, of course not. Not according to the rule of three. You propose it a third time, once again changing the format. And this time, often because it is familiar but not quite the same as the first or second time, it gets accepted.

(Or, if it doesn’t, you go on to something else.)

We all give up too easily. That’s really what this is all about. When someone gives up on the first try, they often are missing an opportunity that is so-o-o-o close, and they just don’t know it. Also we don’t expect a “No” when we first propose something, so we don’t expect that we’re going to have to try again, and again.

Objects at rest tend to remain at rest, according to one of Newton’s laws. The same thing applies to introducing new ideas, new thoughts, new concepts to people. People tend to stick with the old, established ideas and ways of doing things. You owe it to yourself, is my message, to try at least three times before giving up.

The trick of course is to modify what you’re asking for slightly so that it isn’t perceived as the exact same thing you asked for originally. This sometimes takes real creativity and work. But, if you begin to believe in the Rule of Three, and you don’t give up easily, it can lead you to getting more of what you want, whatever it is.

Expecting that you have to try at least three times in the fact of getting “No” is a great foundation for dealing with the world. It’s a great habit to acquire.

If this little article inspires you not to give up when you receive that first “No!” and try a real three times, then I’ll consider it successful.

After all, in baseball, you do get three strikes before you’re out, don’t you?

All About Vaccuums

In talking with a client after a recent job interview they had, my client said, “I don’t think he was too enthusiastic.”

“How do you know that he wasn’t enthusiastic?” I asked.

“Well,” my client said, “the interviewer didn’t sound enthusiastic nor did he look enthusiastic.”

The client went on to explain that the interviewer had a plane to catch to another country, that he had more than ten other people to interview and had to wade through more than two hundred responses for this particular job opening, and that he was completely re-organizing the department in question.

As a result, my client had begun to conclude that this particular interviewer really wasn’t interested in him, that he’d only done “OK” during the interview, and that his chances for the job were low.

It’s also my contention, although I can’t prove it, that with these kind of thoughts going through my client’s head, it is entirely possible that he visibly communicated some of this thinking to the interviewer without realizing it through body language or tone of voice or something that was said.

Mind you, the client would deny this and wouldn’t for the world have done anything but his best during the interview. But … and but … sometimes these inner thoughts creep through to the surface while we don’t even realize it. Sometimes, although we don’t realize it, they’re as easy to read as the bubbles over a comic book character’s head.

My point in this instance is: IN JOB INTERVIEWS, WE DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE MIND OF THE INTERVIEWER. IT IS ALL – REPEAT – ALL CONJECTURE.

And, if we believe what we have in our minds as conjecture, we’re not dealing with reality any more. That isn’t a good place to go, now, is it?

Everyone knows the phrase: Nature abhors a vacuum.

So, interestingly enough, does our mind. If we don’t have an answer, we make one up. If we don’t have closure on a subject, we invent a way to close it. We think-think-think about it until it is resolved. We rush to judgment, to conclusions, and to resolution. All too often. And, all too often, we believe these made-up conclusions.

Even if we remind ourselves that they are conjecture, we may buy into them a little.

What if the interviewer’s cat had died that morning? What if he and his wife (or significant other) had an argument? What if a shipment he’d been expecting hadn’t come in and their company needed it badly for their manufacturing group? What if his IRA stock went down? What if his daughter ran off with the mailman? What if his son had been in an auto accident?

All of these would make this particular interviewer seem distracted and disinterested, wouldn’t they? Yet none of them have anything to do with what my client did or didn’t do. So until we know exactly what occurred, how can we pass judgment?

The point is: We don’t know what’s in this interviewer’s head.

Sometimes, we can find out by asking questions. Asking questions is a good way to help people unload what’s in their heads and share it with us. Not always, because they may not be willing to share it. But questions, politely asked, are the best vehicle to “get inside someone else’s head.”

So don’t let the vacuum in your head get filled with all kinds of thoughts and ideas when you really don’t know; and, if such thoughts and ideas creep in, don’t give them the credence that real knowledge deserves. It’s OK to say, “I don’t know.” It’s also OK to feel positive about what you did and didn’t do in an interview, from your point of view.

There are lots of job seekers out there who are hostile and angry because they’ve decided that interviewers (and, incidentally recruiters and HR people) don’t like them, find them too old, are incompetent, have a prejudice against them, you name it. There are also lots of job seekers broadcasting subtle feelings and emotions that may turn off an interviewer without realizing it, simply because they are letting suppositions fill the vacuum.

The converse of this is something I often see when I start with new clients. All too often, they feel they did wonderfully in their last interview. When I ask what evidence they have of this, it’s just a feeling. Or, I could tell from the way the interviewer responded to me.

They haven’t checked out the reality by asking such questions as: “Where do I stand?” or “Would my experience and background fit in well in your company?” And, often, when someone else is chosen for the job, they find themselves surprised at first, then angry and depressed – because they’ve filled their vacuum, their lack of knowledge, with unrealistic thoughts.

Learn to live with the vacuum. If you don’t know, say to yourself, “I don’t know.” And learn to live with it. It’ll help you in this difficult and troublesome adventure called a job search. And learn to try questions. It’ll help you in other ways, too.

Attitude: The effect it has

Job search: Denial

Job skills: Denial

Job search: Dispair

Job search: Competition

Eliminating job friction

Intense job search focus

Being flexible

Limiting job options

Sales and job hunting

Unhook your ego from your job